Ways to Make Your Food Suck – Tell the Reader Your Food Will Kill Them

 

The point of any food blog is to share the bloggers’ love of food. Any reader assumes that the writer is an expert. But if you say that there is something wrong about it, your reader will take that to heart. What you say about your dish is important. Saying that a dish has something wrong with it ruins the reader’s experience, even when they haven’t tried it once!

I’ve seen bloggers who like to put on the nutritionist’s or doctor’s cap and act like the have have a medical background and starts to tell you all the bad stuff about the food. It’s like saying, “Here’s my recipe and I want to share with you how shitty it is. My shit is TOXIC!”

I don’t understand why a blogger would disparage their food. What’s the point in spending the time and effort to write a recipe and snap some great pictures of a dish that you, the blogger, are now saying is “not good” or “is harmful”?

Here are some phrases that do exactly that: Turn the reader off.

“Eat in Moderation”

I find it irritating when I see “Eat in moderation”. There is one blog where there are a handful of recipes with this phrase. Granted, the dishes aren’t something that you would cook on a daily basis (or, would you?). Nevertheless, I came looking for some interesting recipes, NOT medical advice! Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not reading for nutrition. I’m reading for my own curiosity and/or entertainment.

Any adult with some basic knowledge about diet would know what foods to eat more of and what to eat on occasion. Less fat, less salt, less sugar… More fiber, more fruits, more vegetables… etc. Blah, blah, blah! We know! We know! You should that the reader has enough discretion that they can make healthy decisions about food. Give them that much credit.

 

“Eat at Your Own Risk”

Nowhere have I ever seen this phrase in a recipe except for one blog post: 

“Pampabata [lit., something to make you younger] is a word used to describe a food that is not really good for health… This dish is the official ‘pampabata’ recipe from my kitchen. EAT AT YOUR OWN RISK!” [sic] (Mely’s Kitchen, emphasis mine)

REALLY?! SERIOUSLY?! YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Mely might have added it as a bit of a joke or as a gimmick to grab attention. But it’s the first fucking thing that your eyes go to! It goes on to advise the reader to “eat in moderation”… C’mon! Of course! It is just pork fat!

After I did some research, the reason why it is called “pampabata” is because of the collagen in the fat. Collagen is used in many beauty creams for healthier skin and for a youthful look. Mely had the chance to educate her readers about that little fact, but she failed to do it. So, I’m here to do it for her. I would have liked to see a little more background on the dish because it must have an interesting history. Sadly, Mely posted it as more of a curiosity since it might KILL YOU. Beauty have a price!

While I was following one Yummly link after another, I stumbled upon yet another example of a toxic dish. This example is from the site “ang sarap” in a blog post for a recipe for bulalo, a beef shank stew.

“Every Filipino knows that if you have high cholesterol, high blood pressure or any heart related ailments then dish dish is to be avoided as this is one of the most guilty a Filipino food can get (I guess), it has more fat than your double or triple beef patty burgers!”

Again, emphasis mine.

 

SERIOUSLY?! Then, why the fuck would ANYONE eat this if they even had half a brain?!

 

This is the first sentence, so right off the bat you’re told, this dish will most definitely send you to the emergency room at the nearest hospital. This is the first example where this very hearty stew of beef shank, marrow, bok choy and corn on the cob is disparaged, it’s made to look like shitty, artery-clogging, it’s-gonna-kill-you kind of dish. It’s truly a shame. I’ve had it before and it’s a wonderful dish! Made right, it has a very hearty beef flavor in a clear broth.

 

Raymund, once again, says the same for another dish using beef shank. Again he prattles on…

“If you can imagine it’s quite a fatty meal hence it’s not recommended for daily consumption as the cholesterol levels of this dish may exceed the fanciest burger you can find but once in a while it won’t hurt you.”

Nobody says this of burgers! If anything, this stuff is filler. Raymund puts the dish to shame! Why waste your time writing about it, Raymund?

As a side note, the sub-title of the blog, “It’s a Tagalog word for ‘It’s delicious’”, makes the site sound tasty, indeed, except “ang sarap” is a phrase and not a single word. Maybe Raymund should consider changing that… (Hint! Hint!)

 

“Healthier”

Another thing I’ve noticed is that blogger like to claim that their cooking is “healthier”. Yet, they don’t go into details. A good scenario is the reader who knows little or nothing about the dish (such as I did when it came to some of the recipes on one blog). My first impression is that the food isn’t good for you. Great intro!

In some cases, it’s an ingredient that that they’ve omitted. For example…

“I do not put flavor enhancers (msg.( vetsin), pork powder, chicken powder, beef powder and all the cube flavor enhancers) to my recipes, either you use it or not it's up to you.” [sic]

(Mely’s Kitchen)

It’s fine that she doesn’t add these to her recipes. That’s great! She adds that it’s up to the reader to use such ingredients. What’s lacking is where these ingredients are used or how. How is the reader to decide? If there is an ingredient that can be optional then tag it in the recipe. I might, as the reader, like to try to cook the dish based on the original recipe. Give me that option.

In one of my blog posts, I explain how Sinigang is often cooked using readily available mix packets. I’ve read so many recipes that it has become the norm. In my recipe, on the other hand, I try to present a more “authentic” recipe by using tamarind paste. Many of the packets have tamarind in powder form and have flavor-enhancing monosodium glutamate (MSG). I wanted to counter the popularity of the MSG- and salt-laden packets. I explain that in the post and neither do I claim that it’s in any way “healthier”. I chose to let the reader decide; otherwise, they can continue to use the packets.

I know of two cooks/chefs that have taken recipes and made a point of making them healthier. They are Graham Kerr, the “Galloping Groumet”, and Bobby Deen, son of the famed Paula Deen.  Graham Kerr took many of his own recipes from his show “The Galloping Groument” and cut down the fat, salt, sugar, etc., in a later show, “The Graham Kerr Show”, after his wife suffered a stroke.  At the end on his show, he shows how he’s reduced the numbers. On the other hand, Bobby Deen “remastered” his mother’s, Paula Deen’s, Southern recipes making them healthier. In each case, they showed the original recipe and compare the numbers showing how they made it healthier at the end of each episode. In other words, they have evidence and facts to back up their claims. But, to claim that your recipe is “healthier” is really just a gimmick, click-bait.

Why the Filipinos?

I don’t know what it is. It’s possible that I am mostly looking for Filipino-food recipes, but I’ve found that a number of Filipino-food bloggers have a tendency to put some of the dishes down.

 

Here’s my plea: STOP IT! OR, PULL YOUR BLOG DOWN! 

 

This has most likely attributed to the fact that Filipino cuisine has not taken off like many other cuisines in the US and possibly in other countries as well. It’s because the people who know the food well, the Filipinos, TELL you their own cuisine SUCKS! Rarely do I find a recipe that tells the reader outright that the recipe or the ingredients suck. It’s one thing to be humble, and it’s another to be insulting.

 

Every cuisine has its extreme dishes; Filipino cuisine is no different. An example of what I find extreme is in Italy. There is a cheese that is allowed to age with live maggots. It has gained such notoriety that public health officials in the region where it’s popular ban its sale. Those who enjoy the cheese, comment that popping the maggots is a favorite part of theirs.

Celebrate the Food

Many of the readers are most probably aware of what they can and cannot eat. They don’t need to be coddled. They are adults.

 

All in all, the thing to take away is to never denigrate the food. In fact, celebrate it! It doesn’t matter what the readers might think or how “horrible” it might be. If they like it, they will like it. If not, it’s their loss. What really matters is what you think. It’s your food! You know more about it than they do. You are the “expert” and you need to educate the reader. Talking bad about your food erodes away at your creditability; the confidence of your readers in you diminishes. They will form bad opinions because you said so. You don’t need to give the reader a single reason why they should not like your recipe nor attempt to cook your dish. Why in this world would you give them a chance to dislike it? So, don’t. Or, stop writing about your food!

 

Why spend the time writing the recipe and sharing it with others if in the end it does no one any good?

 

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